High-Five Ethics

Sitting on my soccer spot

One of the weirdest things about being an old-man-girl-dad is that I can barely remember a time when I wasn’t. A brain warp I was not expecting.

Over the years, I have heard about the days of a parent’s life spent watching their kids’ various physical and intellectual activities. In the BBG times, while I would try to empathize with their gripes, I knew I was heading out for a weekend of child-free shenanigans.

Clearly, those days are over. But I am thoroughly enjoying my new weekend routine – even if my yard and golf swing look like hell.

Less than two years into the world, Anisa has moved on from tumbling to take up soccer. So, every Saturday morning, instead of jumping on trampolines, we are practicing our soccer kicks. Since I like to believe I am still an athlete (I never was), I am out there on the field with her. Running from end to end, practicing my own kicks, sitting on my soccer spot at Coach’s command.

If I follow instructions and make a good kick, I even get a high-five from my toddler teammates.

One of the drills begins with Coach holding a bag of big, soft, colorful, balls. Each player (under the age of three) walks up to Coach and points to the color ball they would like to kick around the field.

Most of time, Anisa takes a couple of steps towards Coach, pauses, turns to me sitting obediently on my soccer spot and waves her arm, “Come on, Daddy … come ooooon.” Following Coach’s instructions, I stay seated on my soccer spot, hoping for a high-five. Anisa is not impressed.

One week, Coach gave Baby Girl a ball another player had asked for. As Anisa held the ball, the aggrieved party started to squeak and point, beginning to get upset. Without any hesitation, Anisa held the ball out to her teammate and said, “Here you go.”

The teammate’s parent turned to me and mouthed, “That is SO CUTE.” I sat on my soccer spot, grinning like a fool.

Anisa got another ball, proceeded to “kick-kick” all over the field, barely stopping for anyone in her way as she squealed with delight. Baby Girl’s competitive edge and joyful bounce was high-five worthy.

Which got me to thinking about happiness.

Aristotle, in what many believe was a letter to his son, wrote in Nicomachean Ethics, “Now, if happiness is activity in conformity with virtue, it is to be expected that it should conform with the highest virtue, and that is the virtue of the best part of us.”

To be happy is to be virtuous. So, to be happy is to be ethical, to be of good moral character.

Typically, this would be the time I would express my crankiness at the lack of virtuous leaders in society. This isn’t about them. At this point in Anisa’s life, they don’t matter. I do.

I know that when I have lied or bent the rules a little further than they should be bent, I would walk around miserable. Replaying the lie, re-bending the rule, repeatedly in my head. It was an awful feeling.

As I have gotten older, I have realized that the feeling wasn’t worth it. Even if my lie or bend wasn’t discovered – and really wasn’t all that big a thing. I knew I wasn’t happy and, in hindsight, I realize my actions were linked to unhappiness in my life at the time. Now, I’m not saying I don’t bend truths or rules anymore – I am a human being and far from perfect. But I am trying to be happier and live in a way that sustains that happiness.

So, how does Anisa hold onto that moment where she offered the ball to her teammate? It was a simple gesture that clearly made her – and her teammate – happy. As I spend more and more time with two-year-olds, I think they get a bad rap. (Talk to me at three-years-old.) They are much kinder than most adults, the clarity of their emotions, both of them, makes them more emotionally aware than me. At what point do we start thinking about what we are doing, much less why?

“Reflective intelligence,” Aristotle wrote, “constitutes the complete happiness of the human being, provided that it encompasses a complete span of life; for nothing connected with happiness must be incomplete.”

It took me nearly 50 years to be at any level of reflective. Back in 2018, I realized this was a fault, not a feature. So I embarked upon the “Year Ali Got His S**t Together.” That moment of reflective intelligence led to meeting Toya; which led to Anisa becoming a part of our life.

Explaining happiness to a toddler is hard. Understanding happiness as an adult is not much easier.

So, maybe a happy life is all about high-five ethics. Doling them out when someone is doing well; receiving one when we do good.

When was the last time you were unhappy after a high-five?

Reading

Ted Johnson, a contributing columnist at the Washington Post, asks, “What’s so special about America and its democracy?” Read the essay. It is absolutely worth your time.

Cooking

I’m thinking of putting the bird on the grill this Thanksgiving. So, tried it out with a whole chicken. Solid results.