The Privilege of Leaving

Books, Beverages and Bears

My month of paternity leave has come to a close and the reviews are in: Baby Girl is going to keep me around. More on that in a minute.

First, as many of you know, I have written a version of this note since 2010. In the BBG (Before Baby Girl) Times, this was my weekly lukewarm take on immigration, politics and culture. I enjoyed writing it because it was the only time in a week I could think about what I was thinking about.

I want to be honest: to those of you who have been on this list for a while - if you are still reading - I want to admit I probably got your email address because someone forgot to bcc an email blast. Some would call that unethical. I prefer to call it Artificially Intelligent.

In any case, one of the people who was on the list in the early days was Governor Bill Richardson.

Over the years, Governor Richardson would occasionally reply to a note with an encouraging word. And, every now and then, when things were particularly crappy in immigration world, he would call me out of the blue to offer more encouragement and a bit of advice. With an exaggerated rolling of “r” in Noorani, he would bestow upon me honorary Latino status.

Then we started running into each other randomly. At National Airport. New York Penn Station. An event here or there. One time he even asked me to speak at his class at Yale.

I wish I had figured out a way to get to know Bill Richardson better. I would agree with Mark Liebovich, he became my favorite politician. Every time we talked, he was always kind and generous. Which is rare.

So, next time I am at National Airport, Penn Station or some other place where people going places have gone, I’m going to keep my eyes open for Governor Richardson.

The Privilege of Leaving

• According to the National Partnership for Women and Families, “Only 25 percent of workers in the United States have access to paid family leave through their employers.” Unsurprisingly, a situation that is worst for low-wage earners where only 8% of workers in the lowest wage category have access to paid family leave; while 44% among the highest wage category enjoy access.

• To make matters even more complicated, low-wage earners have the highest fertility rates and greatest barriers to reproductive health care. And, of course, the U.S. is the only OECD member country—and one of only six countries in the world—without a national paid parental leave policy.

• So I feel incredibly privileged that I was able to spend the entire month of August with Anisa on parental leave. A few lessons:

• First of all, say what you will about California, but in 2002 it was the first state to mandate paid family leave. Since then, according to the Bipartisan Policy Center, “Thirteen states and the District of Columbia have enacted mandatory paid family leave systems. An additional eight states have voluntary systems that provide paid family leave through private insurance. Of the 22 total state leave laws, 13 have been implemented and the remaining are not yet in effect.”

• Over the course of the month, the Anisa, Toya and I would occasionally go out for an early dinner. Invariably, we would get seated in some far away corner next to another family with a little one on the cusp of a meltdown. Passing our respective children across the table like an eating stick, us parents would guzzle cocktails, scarf our food, try to play it cool. Meanwhile, a couple tables over, out for a legit early-bird special, grandparents of grandchildren far away would coo at our babies and talk shit. “Ooh, I remember those days! They get better.” Or, just cut with their eyes, “Really? You are that kind of parent?”

• Baby Girl is out of baby jail and in the wild. Which means baby-proofing is a thing. My preferred solution, strapping a helmet onto Anisa 24/7, was met with great disdain. So, instead, I am seething at impossible to lock baby gates, impossible to unlock drawer catches, and wishing Lady (our dog) was a more active monitor of Anisa’s shenanigans. Thoughts and prayers for all parties welcome.

• About halfway through leave, a dear friend sent us a hiking backpack. His note read, to paraphrase, “Anisa, Make Daddy carry you everywhere and enjoy the view.” So, like any card-carrying Californian, we strapped on our hiking shoes, took Lady off her leash and sauntered through the East Bay hills. Although I really do wish she wouldn’t yell at me to go faster up the hills. That was kind of rude.

• Spending this month with Anisa - her 8th - was magical. We giggled. A lot. We slept. A lot. We cried. Also, a lot. But we formed a connection. Nothing like the miraculous connection Baby Girl has with her Mom. I would never expect that. But if the purpose of this month was to bond with my daughter and begin to develop our own relationship, I think we did that.

I am terribly fortunate I work for an organization - and live in a state - that affords this privilege.

Which, in the end, should be a right.

Books

Started a couple new books.

The first, Losing our Religion: An Altar Call for Evangelical America by Russell Moore is a must-read for anyone who wants to learn more about the political and cultural cleavage happening in real time in evangelical America. So far, what I appreciate most is how Moore helps us understand that just because someone turns away from evangelicalism sullied by politics, it does not mean that they would, “replace it with mimosa brunches discussing the topics on National Public Radio.“ In fact, this growing population of “nones” remain people of faith; they just can’t look to their church any longer.

And, since I am starting to think about migration again, a friend recommended Climate, Catastrophe and Faith: How Changes in Climate Drive Religious Upheaval by Philip Jenkins. It is one of those books where every page just blows your mind a bit more.

Beverages

An unexpected fun part about the move to California has been to connect to some of Toya’s extended family. Well, during the pandemic a cousin who now lives in the South Bay joined up with friends from back home in North Carolina to launch the Old Hillside Bourbon Company:

Our Straight Rye Whiskey pays homage to Kentucky Derby Black jockeys Isaac Murphy, Alonzo Clayton, Oliver Lewis, and Soup Perkins. These jockeys paved the way for future Black jockeys, who dominated the sport of horse racing from 1875 to 1903. However, as the Jim Crow laws and segregation began to grow, Black jockeys were not spared; often being denied licenses and facing physical harm. As a result, from 1921-2000, there were no Black riders in the Kentucky Derby. However the legacy of these black jockeys should not be forgotten. Old Hillside takes great pride in honoring the history of the Black jockeys. This rye offers a bold and complex taste of caramel, vanilla, mint and floral while finishes with a slight spice punch. Our light earthy notes complement the extra sweetness during the finish.

If you see a bottle, grab it. It’s good stuff.

Bears

I am a little late to The Bear, but oof, what a great show. Top to bottom, from the writing to the acting to the directing, solid. I love the poetic clash of cultures, the stories of people who make food and I really want to meet Hiro Murai - everything he touches is spectacular.